{"id":2670,"date":"2013-01-13T13:33:46","date_gmt":"2013-01-13T19:33:46","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/fatoira.net\/?p=2670"},"modified":"2013-01-13T13:33:46","modified_gmt":"2013-01-13T19:33:46","slug":"january-13-2013-at-0132pm","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/fatoira.net\/jaa\/2013\/01\/13\/january-13-2013-at-0132pm\/","title":{"rendered":"January 13, 2013 at 01:32PM"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Here&#8217;s to laughter&#8230;it does good like a medicine.<\/p>\n<p>Why we love our children<\/p>\n<p>1) NUDITY<br \/>\nI was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, &#8216;Mom, that lady isn&#8217;t wearing a seat belt!&#8217;<\/p>\n<p>2) OPINIONS<br \/>\nOn the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, &#8216;The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents.&#8217;<\/p>\n<p>3) KETCHUP<br \/>\nA woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar.. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. &#8216;Mommy can&#8217;t come to the phone to talk to you right now. She&#8217;s hitting the bottle.&#8217;<\/p>\n<p>4) MORE NUDITY<\/p>\n<p>A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women&#8217;s locker room&#8230; When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, &#8216;What&#8217;s the matter, haven&#8217;t you ever seen a little boy before?&#8217;<\/p>\n<p>5) POLICE # 1<br \/>\nWhile taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, &#8216;Are you a cop? Yes,&#8217; I answered and continued writing the report. My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?&#8217; &#8216;Yes, that&#8217;s right,&#8217; I told her. &#8216;Well, then,&#8217; she said as she extended her foot toward me, &#8216;would you please tie my shoe?&#8217;<\/p>\n<p>6) POLICE # 2<br \/>\nIt was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. &#8216;Is that a dog you got back there?&#8217; he asked..<br \/>\n&#8216;It sure is,&#8217; I replied.<br \/>\nPuzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, &#8216;What&#8217;d he do?&#8217;<\/p>\n<p>7) ELDERLY<br \/>\nWhile working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, &#8216;The tooth fairy will never believe this!&#8217;<\/p>\n<p>8) DRESS-UP<br \/>\nA little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, &#8216;Daddy, you shouldn&#8217;t wear that suit.&#8217;<br \/>\n&#8216;And why not, darling?&#8217;<br \/>\n&#8216;You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning&#8230;&#8217;<\/p>\n<p>9) DEATH<br \/>\nWhile walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased.<br \/>\nThe minister&#8217;s son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: &#8216;Glory be unto the Father, and unto the Son, and into the hole he goes.&#8217; (I want this line used at my funeral!)<\/p>\n<p>10) SCHOOL<br \/>\nA little girl had just finished her first week of school. &#8216;I&#8217;m just wasting my time,&#8217; she said to her mother. &#8216;I can&#8217;t read, I can&#8217;t write, and they won&#8217;t let me talk!&#8217;<\/p>\n<p>11) BIBLE<br \/>\nA little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible&#8230; He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.<br \/>\n&#8216;Mama, look what I found,&#8217; the boy called out.<br \/>\n&#8216;What have you got there, dear?&#8217;<br \/>\nWith astonishment in the young boy&#8217;s voice, he answered, &#8216;I think it&#8217;s Adam&#8217;s underwear!&#8217;<\/p>\n<p>NOW IF THIS DIDN&#8217;T BRIGHTEN YOUR DAY, GO BACK TO BED AND FORGET IT<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Here&#8217;s to laughter&#8230;it does good like a medicine. Why we love our children 1) NUDITY I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved&#8230;. <a class=\"more-link\" href=\"https:\/\/fatoira.net\/jaa\/2013\/01\/13\/january-13-2013-at-0132pm\/\">Continue Reading &rarr;<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"status","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[12],"tags":[27,68,71],"class_list":["post-2670","post","type-post","status-publish","format-status","hentry","category-random-thoughts","tag-facebook","tag-status","tag-thoughts","post_format-post-format-status"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/fatoira.net\/jaa\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2670","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/fatoira.net\/jaa\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/fatoira.net\/jaa\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fatoira.net\/jaa\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fatoira.net\/jaa\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2670"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/fatoira.net\/jaa\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2670\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/fatoira.net\/jaa\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2670"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fatoira.net\/jaa\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2670"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fatoira.net\/jaa\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2670"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}